We've arrived!

Well, here we are in East Prawle! Helen and I opened the Providence Inn to our first customers on Friday December the 1st. It still hasn’t fully sunk in that I am the landlord. I am getting to grips with things and intend to provide you with a full and detailed account of our first few days behind the bar.

I must apologise for the brevity of this posting, I am currently using a painfully slow dial-up connection and am hoping to get broadband up and running in the next few days. Then I’ll post a few pictures of the surrounding area and tell you more about my first impressions as a Prawle resident and publican. What I can say is that all of the people in the village have been incredibly welcoming and supportive, I am desperately trying (and failing) to remember everyone’s name, so thanks to one and all. Friday this week is our first night for food and I’ve put the menu below – let me know what you think

Looking forward to posting properly soon

Tim

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Starters

Home made Soup of the Day
With crusty bread
£3.50

Homemade Chicken liver pate
With toast & salad garnish
£4.50

Prawn & Salmon Pots
With toast & salad garnish
£4.50
V
Garlic stuffed mushrooms
Served with toast
£3.95

Main Courses

Local Rib Eye steak
Cooked to your personal preference
With grilled tomato, mushroom, peas & chips
£11.95

Homemade Shepherds Pie
With vegetables or side salad
£6.75
V
Riccota & Spinach cannelloni
With side sald

Local pork sausages & rich onion gravy
With creamy mash, onion rings & vegetables
£6.50

Deep fried Cod
With chips & mushy peas or side salad
£7.50

Chicken in a honey & mustard glaze
With salad or vegetables & potatoes of the day
£7.50
V
Mushroom & Pine Nut tart
With salad and Chips
£6.95
sweet selection

Homemade Apple pie
£3.95

Hot chocolate fudge cake
£3.95

Treacle Tart
£3.95

All of the above are served with custard, cream or ice cream

A selection of local cheeses
Served with crackers, celery and grapes
£4.25

Langage Farm Ice Cream
2 scoops of:
Chocolate Overload – White chocolate ice cream crammed with white and dark chocolate buttons, with ribbons of divine dark chocolate sauce
Strawberries & Cream – Clotted cream ice cream with the taste of summer
Farmhouse clotted cream vanilla ice cream with the taste of Devon clotted cream
£2.25

Ice Cream Sundaes
Fresh strawberries with homemade strawberry sauce and strawberry ice cream
Bananas with chocolate ice cream and homemade fudge sauce
Pineapple with vanilla ice cream and homemade chocolate sauce
£4.95

Self Indulgence Time

I will be moving to East Prawle permanently on Wednesday 29th November and prior to this I have a mountain of tasks to complete. However, not all of the tasks are onerous. On Thursday last week I took my car back to my head office in Norwich and that evening went out with all of the staff for a farewell meal. I have been very lucky to work with a fantastic bunch of people over the past eight years and they have become good friends who I am sad to say cheerio to, although I am certain that many of them will soon venture to the village for a weekend of good food, good beer and good company. I was given a marvellous leaving gift of a bottle of 18 year old Glenfiddich, which had been personally labelled for me and this was complimented by a pair of crystal whisky tumblers that had each been engraved with the following; Eastern Telephones 2006 - Landlord and Eastern Telephones 2006 Friend. They will be well used with the contents of the first gift, although it will be an occasional nightcap rather than a regular tipple. It has been suggested that I could end up like a child in a sweetshop surrounded by all that alcohol in the pub. I am aware of the temptation, but confident that I can get my highs from seeing the pub become a successful venture. I also owe it to Helen and the boys to be sensible in their absence.

I arrived back in Northampton on Friday afternoon feeling very tired, but there was no rest ahead for Tim! Helen and I went to the flying club ball. It is known as Wings Night. Each year all students who have gained their Private Pilot's Licence are presented with their wings at this function. I really felt pleased for the recipients as they were presented with their shiny gold wings and shook hands with the Chief Flying Instructor, whilst posing for a photographer. I can remember getting mine after the hard slog of training, being congratulated by your peers after such an achievement is very uplifting (excuse the pun). Being able to take an aircraft into the sky is such a liberating experience and provides so many amazing adventures. I have taken Helen to France and the Channel Islands as well as numerous trips around the UK. Earlier this year we hired an aircraft from Exeter Flying Club and flew along the coast and over the village. It is as beautiful from the air as it is on the ground. Anyway, back to Wings Night. We had both planned to leave early because we knew that the weekend was going to be taken up with packing boxes and sorting everything out for the journey south. I haven't mentioned that Helen was also tired after a late night on Thursday, she had been to the NEC to see the famous Spanish Riding school in action -We sat at a table with friends who were all interested in the impending move to Devon and we happily talked of our plans whilst eating a very good meal. I hadn't realised just how interested people were. We spent the whole evening chatting with our friends about Devon and when we checked our watches it was 12:30am! We got home at 01:30 and my eyes were shut before my head hit the pillow. It was worth being exhausted because I had spent quality time with good friends and colleagues who were genuinely interested in my well being and future endeavours. I realise more now, than ever, just how important and valuable good friendship is.

So! Two nights of self indulgence and now it is almost upon me. The real pub adventure is about to start. I am excited and anxious, I am worrying about Helen and the boys not having me around. I am trying to think of everything that can and will happen, but I also realise I am at the point where what will be will be. I have to say goodbyes to friends and family. I worry about my old mum who is in her eighties and not in very good health, and all the time the clock is ticking, bringing me ever closer to Wednesday.

I am not going to post for a while. I will start my new life at the Providence Inn - East Prawle on Friday 1st Decemebr 2006. My next post will follow shortly after and will tell you how I coped with my first customers and how I feel about being there. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has left words of encouragement through comments, the guestbook and on emails.

Wish me luck - Tim

I need a TARDIS

Time And Relative Dimension In Space - One of the best known acronyms to the TV generation. For me it is the necessary tool to solve my immediate problem. I am hiring a van on Monday to carry my belongings to the village. The problem is that I really need the space of an articulated lorry to hold all my junk! A sage lesson in ergonomics if I can pull it off. If you live in the village you will probably hear the chugging of the engine from afar. I'll be arriving on Monday night and off again on Tuesday morning and then back to stay on Wednesday.

Karen T has given me her shopping list for the kitchen. I thought we needed a couple of wooden spoons, but apparently I miscalculated. In fact we also needed a kitchen. I'm joking really. Arnie has actually left a well equipped kitchen and we will be operating from there by the end of our first week.

Things to do before I leave for Devon

I have spent the past week trying to tie up loose ends. Some were work related others social. I count myself fortunate to have a good number of close friends and I have been trying to see them, or at least talk to them prior to my departure - you would think I was on my way to the moon!

On Saturday I went with Helen and the boys to London for a day out. There was the train journey there which the two young ones loved thoroughly, although Joe was somewhat concerned that we didn’t see the Fat Controller! They were even more thrilled with the cross town jaunt on the underground trains. We walked along the Thames embankment down to Whitehall and then up by the Cenotaph to Trafalgar Square, by way of a McDonalds (sorry Jamie Oliver!) Nelson looked mighty dapper atop his column. The last time I was at Trafalgar Square it was very dreary looking. I think Mayor Ken’s anti pigeon crusade may be showing positive results. We then headed back to Euston and caught the train home. This may seem very dull to some people, but when you are about to say goodbye to your children and not see them for long periods of time it is worth savouring every moment with them.

Today I went with Helen to the stables where we keep our horse; Sailor. He is a bay thoroughbred gelding who stands 16,3hh (that’s 5’7”.) He was originally a Point-To-Point horse, but he only has reverse gears, so he never won anything. Helen got him when he was eight and enjoys hacking out on him along the local bridleways. When he was younger she did some eventing on him and even has a few rosettes to prove that he isn’t really a donkey in disguise! He is now 20 and we love him dearly. I never sit on him for fear that his legs will splay in four different directions. I am, however responsible for the more important part of owning a horse, in fact I even have a coffee mug to prove it. It says No.1 S**t Shoveller! Next weekend will be the last time for a while that I will see the old boy. I go up most mornings at six o’clock to muck him out, but that duty will fall to Helen soon, although I am sure she will find someone else to do it for a fee…

I can reveal the name of one half of the culinary duo that are going to tantalise the taste buds of our future patrons; Karen Tucker. Karen lives in the village and has an excellent culinary pedigree. I am currently helping her put the finishing touches to our menus and believe me, the food will be great. Karen is ably assisted by another local lady and some of you may already know her, especially if you like chocolate puddings (that’s the only clue you are getting as to her identity!)

Aside from that, it’s been boring stuff such as VAT registration, Inland Revenue forms and supplier account opening. I have had to speak to the Police in Totnes about my licence and they have said that they will pay me a visit. I’m sure I paid that parking ticket, honestly officer!

Earlier this week I received a really nice email from a lady called Betty. She lives in New Zealand but spent part of her life in Torcross. She emailed me to say that she was of the opinion that Euchre was introduced by the American Servicemen stationed in the area during the war. I am quite interested in that period and its effects in the South Hans area, so this added another patch to the quilt of wartime history that touched the lives of so many people from the area.

I finish my current employment on Thursday and will be spending the night with my colleagues. I think I may have a headache on Friday! I am going to maintain a connection with my friends at Eastern Telephones. I hope that they will come and visit, but I am also going to do some consultancy work for them too. So if you need any Telecomms advice, give me a shout. The downside is my car will have to go on thursday too. I do have Land Rover Defender, but Helen wants to keep that with her, but don't worry. Tim has a vehicle lined up. It is a white Suzuki Vitara Jeep. Yes, that's right. I will be driving a cross between a car that Ken and Barbi would love and something a hairdresser with a problem would have. You have been warned.

I am going to be in the village from the 27th November and will be there permanently from the 30th.

The deed is done!

Well there's no turning back now! We have signed the legal documents and we are all systems go for the 1st December. I felt slightly embarrassed as people who I did not know told me how pleased they were to hear that I was to become the new landlord of The Provi'. I have a good memory for faces, but I am an absolute disaster when it comes to remembering names, so I hope I will be forgiven the odd slip up on that front. I can't say enough about how friendly the locals are in East Prawle. Helen and I are relative strangers, but everyone, without exception, has been so kind and generous with their words of encouragement. We are both grateful and we hope to get to know them more in the coming weeks.

I am very excited by the food side of things at the pub. I was shown sample menus by my chefs at the weekend. I want to be able to tell you who these culinary wizards are, but as I haven't asked permission to use their names here I will stay intentionally vague for the time being, but suffice to say, they are really enthusiastic and professionally competent and most importantly, villagers too.

One chap who I found very engaging used the word, pulchritude, in a discussion about a freshly poured pint. I love words and their meanings and admire anyone who has the courage to enhance a conversation with a choice word or two that is not in common usage. I think I may make a note of unusual words used in the bar and give a prize each month to the person who has used the best word, in the correct context (in my opinion) that month.

I have made a decision regarding the beer at the pub. Initially I will keep the existing brands on, certainly until the new year, but I am going to try and get a local guest ale on before Christmas. I have spoken with a local brewer and think we may have just the thing to sit alongside the Spitfire and Dartmoor IPA. Hope that's not famous last words?

Driving back home today was a rather strange experience. It dawned on me that I won't make this particular journey with Helen and the boys again for the foreseeable future. The next time they come to East Prawle their journeys to and from will be minus Dad!

Euchre

I am intrigued by a game played in the pub. It is called Euchre (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euchre) and there are leagues in Devon where the game is hotly contested. I have watched it being played and must admit that I am yet to fully understand it although I intend to get to grips with it soon. It is interesting because as you move through the country pub games vary. Where I currently live we have the standard games of darts, pool, etc, but we also have skittles and crib leagues.

Getting there gradually...

We are getting nearer to December 1st and things are slowly falling into place. We have spoken with various suppliers and hopefully will maintain a relationship with existing ones too. All things being equal, we will be able to sign the lease documents next week. There was a slight hiccough on the legal side and I learnt a valuable - and very nearly costly lesson. However, all's well that ends well. It is important to Helen and me that the pub be a focal point for the local community. We recognize that the other village pub enjoys the patronage of many of the locals especially when they put on musical events that I know are very good indeed, but we hope that we can encourage some of villagers to visit us on occasion. There is always an element of uncertainty about a new landlord. Will the pub dramatically change? Will it be good or bad? Will the beer be worth drinking? All of these are important questions and I hope we can assuage the concerns that people will have. Here are some of the things that I can promise in advance of serving my first pint.

1. There will be a warm welcome for families.
2. Dogs will be welcome too, as long as their owners don't make a mess!
3. There will be no juke box, but you may have to endure some of my taste in background music!
4. I will continue in Arnie’s footsteps by supporting the Air Ambulance as my charity of choice.
5. The food served will be basic pub fayre, cooked by locals and most importantly; using locally produced ingredients.
6. I would gladly welcome approaches from anyone who feels they may have items of interest for me to purchase for the catering side of the business. My email address is: tmybr@aol.com.

I took Max, my four year old to school this morning and his teacher told me that he had been selected to be a Wise Man in the school nativity play. He was thrilled and I was really pleased for him, but I felt slightly saddened when I realised that I would miss his first performance due to being in the pub. What made it worse was when I was told that his mum would not be allowed to video him because of concerns regarding the video getting into the hands of paedophiles. We really do live in a sick society! I will be so pleased when my family join me permanently in East Prawle.

Licence To Pour

Ok well I haven't got a licence to kill, but today my licence to sell or supply alcohol arrived in the post. I have a colourful sheet of paper to display behind the bar and yet another piece of plastic to put in the wallet (with a very dodgy mug-shot on it.)

The business account is taking a while to set up; the banks are being slower than I had hoped for. What with card machines and the like, we are getting swamped with papers to sign. I am convinced that the finance institutions of Great Britain must be responsible for the decimation of huge swathes of Amazonian rain forest!

We were planning to visit the village this weekend, but it has been postponed until the weekend of 11th/12th November. I spoke to Arnie, the current landlord earlier today. He said that it had been very quiet in the pub this week! I will have to think of interesting ways to entice customers into the bar during the colder months of the year.

I hope to enhance the existing pub website when I finally arrive and I thought about the possibility of a webcam that would look out to sea and show the current weather. Combined with the Rickham.net weather site (see links) I thought this would allow people to get a better feel for the village. I am open to any suggestions people might have regarding this and other ideas.

Rumination & Consideration

We had a great weekend in the village although we didn't get there until Saturday morning. I went straight to the pub and planted myself behind the bar. I wasn't surprised that it was very quiet inasmuch as the main holiday season is over and the locals need tempting back, but I had hoped for a few more than the six people I served between twelve and two! I told Arnie, the current landlord to leave me to my own devices. He normally closes during the afternoon, but I hope to stay open when I am finally in charge. Anyway I was not deterred by the lack of custom and hoped that the OPEN sign on the door would encourage a few hardy souls to see what was happening in the Providence. For two hours the place was dead, I read the local paper, had a coffee, read some more of the local paper, and had another coffee.... At four o'clock the door opened, a group of red cheeked walkers wandered in, in search of food! I had to explain that the kitchen would not be functioning until December, but I had a good selection of ale (well two brands anyway!) At first I thought they might turn tail and go elsewhere. My salvation came in the form of the roaring log fire in the corner that drew them in. They enjoyed a couple of drinks by the fire and then set off on the return leg of their walk with a parting promise to return in the New Year when I am serving food. No sooner had they left than another party entered the pub, four adults and four kids. Crisps were the food de jour and both sets of parents enjoyed a varied selection of alcoholic refreshments. They were interested to hear of my plans and like their predecessors, they promised to return when I become the landlord. I felt vindicated in my decision to stay open and I hope once I am able to provide food this will add to the attraction of the pub for walkers, bird watchers and of course the local community.


One of the things mentioned to me over the weekend was a concern by certain locals regarding the choice of beer available at the pub. It currently sells two brands of beer; Dartmoor IPA, made by the Princetown Brewery and Spitfire, from Shepherd Neame. When I first decided to take on the pub I was pleased that I would be selling at least one local brand, but I am not convinced the current selection are the correct products for me. I am thinking of selling another local brew, but I will need to sound out village opinion. I would also like to add Greene King IPA to the bar, whilst being a nation brand I think when served correctly this is a popular choice. The lagers sold are Carlsberg and Grolsch; again I am not convinced these are the best ones to have. I will also be changing from Murphy’s stout to Guinness.


I had meetings with the team that will be running the kitchen and I loved the enthusiasm and passion for food that they show. My mouth was watering at the sound of the menus they are putting together and I insisted that we arrange a tasting prior to starting, purely for my benefit of course!


The kids had a lovely weekend; I think that we managed to catch most of the crabs in the English Channel! On Sunday we were at Torcross beach and I stood at the water’s edge with Max skimming stones. Another Dad was there with his daughter doing the same thing - competition is a terrible thing, we were meant to be entertaining our kids when in fact a clash of the titans was taking place (well, two forty something sad characters) both of us sneaking glances at the skimming attempts made by the other. I don't think boys ever really grow up, we just hide it well. On Monday morning Helen made up a picnic and we all went to Lannacombe beach. This is a beautiful little bay that is actually on private land, but the landowners allow access and it is so lovely there. The rocky outcroppings make for great rock pools and as we all know a rock pool for a child is a place of adventure, Pirate treasure may be hidden there ready to be found by a four year old at any moment. Being a small enclosed bay adds to the charm. We were the only ones there and it felt as if it was our own private beach, there just for our enjoyment. The sound of the waves crashing in mixed with cry of seagulls and the laughter of our kids is a sound I could listen to all day.

Again I have been thinking about being on my own each week without Helen and the children and whilst I know it is for all the right reasons I also know I will miss them desperately.

I am going to ring the solicitors later today and try to move things on regarding the lease documents. It's November 1st tomorrow and things are moving quicker now. We are back in the village at the weekend and hopefully I'll have more information available regarding our plans then.

Not a criminal!

Things are moving again. We are getting our solicitors to redraft the lease documents and today I received my Criminal Record Disclosure, telling me that I don't have, have never had and hopefully will never have a criminal record. Now I am in possession of this costly piece of paper (£20.00 for something I already knew) I can submit my licence papers to the local authority. I should then be given a Personal Licence that allows me to serve alcoholic drinks under the terms of the 2003 Licensing Act. When I am actually living in East Prawle I will apply for a change of name on the existing Premises Licence, but that has to be done through the South Hams District council, the local authority that covers the area.

This weekend Helen and I are taking the boys to the cottage. Whilst there I am going to be working behind the bar on Saturday. I will ask Helen to get some pictures of me in my guise as landlord!

I have been giving a lot of thought to the seperation issue. Being away from my family all week is the biggest downside of the whole venture. I have told Helen that as much as I want to see them, I don't want her to feel forced into travelling down with the children every Friday night after a long working week. I think she will be in danger of running herself into the ground. She will be getting up early to muck out our horse each day, then she will be rushing home to get the boys ready for school/pre-school before then going off to work. She works in a high pressure environment and often works long hours, we are lucky that her parents are able to help us a lot with the children. I think she deserves a break as well. So we will have to find a way of seeing each other on a regular basis, but not to the detriment of her health.

The lease documents have finally arrived, but they are not exactly how we imagined them. We need a solicitor to pour over them with us and make sure we are not going to get tripped up by any small print - nature of the beast I guess.
Still we continue to work towards our December 1st deadline. I still don't know where I get my little black sign made?

Sam

Max and Joe

Today it really hit home how much I am going to miss my family while I am working on my own during the week. I took Max to school and we had a really great chat about how fog, bricks, chocolate and various other important things are made. He was really happy telling me about the things he hoped to do at school today and I listened keenly to his earnest description of life in the reception class. Helen had gone to see our horse earlier so it had been left to me to sort the boys out with clothing and breakfast (well breakfast was actually made by Helen's mum). I do this sort of thing often, you do it as a parent without thinking, it's all part of the morning rush. Today, however, I made a point of savouring the normality of it all. This weekend my oldest Son Sam is coming to stay. He's nearly fourteen and the hormones are raging, but he's a great kid although he currently does a very good impression of Harry Enfield's wayward teenager Kevin. He is very interested in a ll things IT so I am sure he will pass a critical eye over this blog. I intend to make the most of the time with my family in the lead up to my going south.

Still no word from the solicitors! Annoyingly Helen and I are also going to have to invest in quite a few commercial kitchen items as the previous incumbent appears to have lost various pieces! I am relying on Google to help me find reasonable supplier, so if anyone out there in the ether knows of any useful companies in this field please email me tmybr@aol.com all help gratefully appreciated.

Well, we had a great weekend. The anniversary meal ended up as a home cooked affair in the cottage complimented by a bottle of Bollinger. I got an opportunity to meet some more of my local customers to be whilst in the pub and what a fine bunch they are. More later on the locals when I have their permission to make reference to them in this blog. Helen and I bought a super all singing all dancing coffee maker that is destined for the pub, but I'll need a degree in engineering to operate it. In fact it is still in its box! Now, the village cafe is great for an all English breakfast so what with the anniversary meal and two good breakfasts not only have we had a great weekend, but we've also put on a few pounds.

I have been chasing up the solicitors today, they are taking forever to get the lease details sorted out and considering that I want to be up and running from the start of December I really need them to get their acts together. We had a good meeting on saturday with one of our future chefs and I came away quite excited by the choice of menu items she wants to cook. I have a good feeling about the future, I'm confident I can make a go of the pub and that we'll all benefit from it.

Waiting time - Thank God for kids

Helen and I are going to the village this weekend. It is our fifth wedding anniversary and we are going to find a nice restaurant and celebrate sans kids! Whilst there (the village, not the restaurant) we are going to have meetings with some of our staff to be. I had hoped that the lease documents might have arrived this week, because until we have seen them and satisfied ourselves that everything is in order, we will not be able to go ahead. I tried to explain to Max, our four year old, that Daddy will not see him during the week, but he will get to stay at the pub every weekend. He wasn't at all impressed, he thought it would be better if he was working in the pub with me all week long...

This is Max

More about the village

East Prawle sits about a mile from the coast. When I first visited the village with Helen to look at our cottage (the one with the lighter thatched porch) I felt as if I had slipped back in time. It was as if I had stepped onto the set of 'The Darling Buds of May'. The village green had geese wandering freely around, the old red telephone box stood near to the public lavatories which were incredibly free of graffiti, vandalism or pongy smells! There was a very secure feeling about the place. I felt like I had stumbled into a very well kept secret. We have since learnt that many walkers use the village as a starting/finishing point as they explore the South Devon Coastal Path. There are several circular walks that allow great views of the sea and surrounding countryside. The fields along the coast are rich in wildflowers, and are a haven for many birds, in particular the nationally rare Cirl Bunting. This is a small green and brown bird with a yellow and black striped face. It thrives on the arable weed seeds here and feeds its young on the abundant grasshoppers and similar insects in the area. http://www.rspb.org.uk/england/southwest/farming/cirlbuntings/index.asp Stonechats and Whitethroats are also common sightings, perched on gorse and blackthorn scrub along the cliff edge.

On the way there

I passed my licensing exam and things are moving on. I have handed my notice in and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Russ, my boss and mate was actually very encouraging and gave me some useful business hints. I am now able to tell you a bit more about the pub. It is called The Providence Inn and is situated in East Prawle in Devon. Set in the most southerly part of the Devon countryside, The Providence Inn has been serving the public since 1840. It sells local ale and cider as well as a good selection of wine. It has a beer garden that looks out to sea. As well as being a pub, there are three en-suite rooms available to let on a B & B basis.
The pub is currently without food and I am going to take on a couple of local chefs to try and create a name for good food at the pub. If I can I will start serving food from day one which at the moment is 1st December.

We already spend a lot of time in the village as we are lucky enough to have a cottage there that we currently use as a holiday home, although we intend to live in it as a family when Helen and the boys join me on a more permanent basis.

The Start

Well, I plan to hand my notice in during the next few weeks, the difficulty is that my boss is also my friend and even though I am not going to be competing with him I just feel that am letting him down somewhat. Still it's got to be done.

My wife and I keep talking about being apart from each other and how we will cope. We cannot really afford for her to come to Devon yet and also we have to think of the children's schooling etc. So although I am excited by the new challenge I am not looking forward to long periods of time without my loved ones around me.

Next week I have to take an examination in Personal Licensing. On successful completion I will be able to apply for my licence to sell alcohol. Hey hey! My name above the door. I will have to find someone who makes those little black signs you see over pub doorways. Is there a company who specialise in that sort of thing? It's all new to me.

I'm going to have my own pub!

I'm 44 and am fed up with my pedestrian nine to five life. I have decided to take on a pub in South Devon, that's 250 miles from where I currently live. It will mean moving away from my family, who I will only see at weekends and holidays. I know that I am taking a huge risk, but hopefully it will pay off. I intend to use this Blog as an opportunity to describe what happens as I embark on my new career.

In case you hadn't figured it out, I'm the ugly one in the shirt. The more attractive one is my wife.